
“You’re nuts,” Alex said as they gazed heavenward.
“I know. I’ll just, ahem, ring Martin,” Celia said, her voice rather high-pitched.
Tell him to dig out her last Will and Testament should she die before she was wed. Oh, Lord, get a grip, woman, she told herself firmly, aware that Alex was watching her, amusement dancing in his eyes. She could do this. Of course she could. She had to do it, for her old people. Saga Radio were on site to promote the Faith in Action Fun Day. The Birmingham Mail too: poised for a photo opportunity, and what better opportunity for they themselves than front-page news. She pictured the headline: Elderly Independents Take Housing Battle to the Top. Yes, more like: Deranged Do-Gooder Air-Rescued from Church Steeple.
Oh, God, she couldn’t. Absolutely couldn’t. She’d be paralysed with fear before she’d climbed the steps to the roof. Or be drawn irresistibly to the edge, vertigo driving an urge to throw herself off.
Yes, well, that was the aim, wasn’t it, though preferably after they’d attached the rope?
She took a calming deep breath, forgot to breathe out and tripped over a tombstone. “Sorry,” she mumbled to the inhabitant therein.
“Okay?” Alex asked behind her.
“Wonderful. Never better. “Um, no signal.” Celia waved her mobile by way of explanation for dilly-dallying on the flagstones--where it was nice and flat.
“Wait until you get to the top,” Alex suggested. “You should get a pretty clear signal up there. Direct line to God, in fact.”
“Good idea.” Celia nodded enthusiastically. Bad idea, she thought. The worst she’d had in her life. She wasn’t ready for a one-to-one with God, for pity’s sake.
“I’m not so sure it is.” Alex glanced up at the church, standing tall in its monolithic splendour, extremely tall, and shook his head. Then shook it again as Eleanor sailed past in an olive green kimono and glass beaded slippers.
“She’s going to abseil in that?” He looked at Celia, bemused.
Eleanor ground to a halt. “Do you have a problem with it?”
“No. No,” Alex said quickly. “It’s very fetching. Just a bit, er…”
Eleanor folded her arms and tapped her foot.
“…exotic.” He looked this way and that as she looked him frostily up and down. “For abseiling, I mean.”
“It may interest you to know, Mr. Burrows, that your thoughts on my dress-sense interest me not one iota. It may also interest you to know that I am not the cat’s mother.”
“Come again?” Alex cast confused eyes in Celia’s direction. Celia shrugged and hoped he hadn’t noticed the two legs she’d stuffed into one of her outdoor trousers. Oh, sh…ugar. He had. She hopped around, her back to him, smiled wanly at a child regarding her coolly over his ice cream, then hopped full circle. Better he think her a pupating caterpillar than get another birds-eye view of her bum. |