It’s a DOG’S LIFE.  New Kid on the Block

‘Ah…’  Max pauses in his morning ablutions.  ‘Sorry about that, old chap.  Didn’t see you there.  Need to grow a bit, y’know?  More mixer with the meat, what?’

‘Yes.’  Snoops eyes Max’s hindquarters as he strolls off to do his morning recce of the garden.  ‘And less water with yours, mate.’

Snoops shakes the droplets of Max’s ablutions from his head as the back door opens.  He looks up, and up…and up some more—it’s tough being a Jack Russell in this dog eat dog world sometimes, to see the mistress, jumping up and down on the doorstep.  Still in her jim-jams, Snoops notices, cocking his head to one side and trying to focus his good eye.

‘Come on, Sadie,’ says the mistress, clapping her hands together.  ‘Come on babe, wee-wees.’

‘Oh, good Lord, do we have to have this ritual every morning?’ Max sighs. ‘Damned undignified, if you ask me.’

‘We didn’t ask, Max,’ Sadie informs him, finally fed up with Mistresses handclapping and jiggling enough to set gingerly forth. 

‘Good girl!’ Mistress squeals delightedly, her handclapping turning to applause.  ‘Well done, Sade!  Yess.  Yesss!  Yesssss!’

‘Ye-es.’  Max looks over his shoulder disdainfully.  ‘She’s only negotiated the step, dear.  Don’t get so excited.’

‘Yes, but with three legs.’  Snoops points out, in Sadie’s defence.  ‘And it is raining.’

‘Yes.  Bit of an achievement, I suppose,’ Max concedes.  ‘Better give her hand, hey what?’ he says, as Sadie ventures forth, only to get staked on the lawn.

‘Do you mind!?’ she says, indignantly as Max stuffs his snout up her backside.

‘What?’ Max pauses in his labours to blink innocently.  ‘Just helping out, m’dear.’

Sadie unsuckers her front paw from the mud.  ‘I don’t need any help, thank you!’ she says shortly.  ‘I think I can manage to pee on my own.  And without peeing on innocent bystanders, which I think is rather more of achievement than you’ve managed thus far.’  She eyes Snoops’ offended head, the hops haughtily off.

****

‘What’s he doing?’ Snoops asks, side by side with Sade on the lawn.

‘Hunting.’  Sade sighs.  ‘He thinks if he looks terrifying enough, the bird will faint and fall into his mouth.’

‘Oh.’  Snoops nods, turning to trot after Sade as Max leaps, legs flailing, and splatters himself against the fence.

‘What’s he doing now?’ Snoops whispers awe-struck as he catches up with Sadie.’

‘He’s in killer mode.’  Sade smiles indulgently.  ‘After a hedgehog, I imagine.  Max doesn’t appreciate that size is important when it comes to gaps under fences.’

‘Watch and learn, lad.  Watch and learn.’  Max thunders between them, adrenaline pumping, mouth salivating, fur flying.  Dog doesn’t have a basic grasp of hunting.  Dog doesn’t eat.’

Snoops furrows his brow and gazes up at Sade, a worried look in his good eye.  ‘But doesn’t the Mistress serve tinned food?’  He stands back to allow Sade access to the step before him.   

‘Yes.’  Sade smiles her appreciation. 

‘So, what’s he doing now?’ Snoops spies warily around her as Max does the wall of death around the kitchen.

‘Oh, dear.’  Sade sighs.  ‘That a-whole-nother story, Snoops.’